Team Hike Spring 2004 (June 25 - 27): Little Dam Pond near Tuxedo NY.

Park on East Mambasha road .5 mile in, .5 mile out. This was as close to car camping as you get! If you forgot to bring something from the car it is no big deal, walk back and get it. If you want to drive into town for ice and to take a dump on a toilet it is doable in 15 minutes. And Hicks, when you are done dumping run out and pick us up some tomatoes!

Night one:

• Boner
• Rocco
• Cenzo
• Gramps
• Hicks
• Gump
• Beef
• Carlo

Memorable moments:

· It was pouring at the trailhead when we pulled up and looking for a camp spot

· Rocco, Cenzo, Boner & Gramps headed into the woods with full packs looking for a spot in the rain

· Set up giant Tarp for shelter and then waited out rain.

· Walked back to the car for coolers, food, Beer and Liquor.

· Set up camp.

· Hicks came up alone

· Gump, Beef and Carlo finally showed up after calling all day to warn us they didn’t want to come and hike in the rain. Boner told them the skies were sunny and then that we could see stars. Both lies but it wasn’t raining on us.

· The menu was Rib eye sandwiches, muscles marinara, pan seared Tuna, Salad, Oreos and Guinness and late night pork and beans.

· Rocco led a froging expedition and wound up falling into the lake over his head. He didn’t catch any frogs.

· Boner bought a huge 5-man tent, Gump brought an even bigger 22-man tent.

Night two:

• Sterni (first hike)
• Shoes
• Anthony
• Spugs
• Stu
• Paul
• Chet
• Flush
• (Cenzo left)

Memorable moments:

· Stu got lost on the shortest possible hike and wound up near dead after a 100 foot walk up a hill

· Shoes built a froging pole and vowed to teach his little buddy Rocco how to properly catch a frog

· Spugs brought up an inflatable raft and tube so Rocco, Shoes, Boner and Paul swam across the lake and went cliff diving.

· Anthony out fished Shoes and caught the only fish. Shoes did catch a snake though.

· Menu included Tacos, sausage and peppers, Lamb chops, campfire pizza, baked brie, blackened drum fish, hotdogs, stuffed pork loin, steak, a lot of marshmallows

· Stu entertained us with tales of his past

· Joe C entertained us with his tales of the present (on the phone)

· Gump and Rocco led a project of taking down a dead tree without losing it over the cliff.

· Rocco almost had his finger bitten off by Gump when Gump was attacked by a pack of crazed drunks.

· We voted the next team hike will be the weekend of 9/25/2004

· Gump fell in his own crap after his custom made toilet bowl collapsed

· Gramps and Boner began training for the Lumberjack Olympics next year.

· Chet gave himself a golden shower.

· Chet temporarily turned into Strahan and sacked Gramps, just missing the campfire.

· Someone left a footprint in a terd on the way down and marked it with a blue pair of boxers... (the consensus believes this was Carlo who then kicked off his sandal and hiked the rest of

the way barefoot.)

Narrative:

Gramps was sitting on his in-law’s couch in Southampton PA waiting for a call from Boner letting him know what time the train from Philly was getting in. The night before he was informed by Boner that any time he wanted to go was fine and it was agreed that the two would meet on the train that got in between 9 & 10. Finally at 10:30 Boner called Gramps to inform him that he would be getting in at around 11. Not wanting to break his steak of showing up late to every Team Hike Boner stayed out until Four AM lurking in the freaky clubs of Philadelphia. Gramps called Cenzo to let him know to leave a little later then planned. No problem for Cenzo, he was still working on some website or another. As Gramps was driving to the train station Rocco called to inquire what our plans were and to inform us that he was “packin’ light”. The weather was calling for late afternoon isolated thunderstorms as a cool front was pushing through the area. Later the forecast was changed calling for violent thunderstorms that would leave up to three inches of rain in areas close to where we were camping. Seeing this, a large tarp was secured along with 100 trash bags that could be used to cover gear, be used as ground cover or as ponchos. Gramps and Boner stopped off at Wegmans Supermarket in Bridgewater NJ to get some supplies and walked out with enough groceries including beer, wine and liquor that would make Sally Struthers proud (had this been donated to needy third world countries instead of purchased for a gluttonous camping trip a quarter mile into the woods). Upon leaving the store Rocco and Cenzo were called and all four were on the road heading up to Tuxedo (the home of the tuxedo suit you wear to fancy affairs) New York. There would be no fancy suits on this trip though.

On the way up the skies were looking promising. It was a little cloudy but the rain was holding off. Boner and Gramps agreed that the clouds were too high for a thunderstorm and belittled Gump when he called with reservations about hiking into the woods that night while it was raining. As Rocco was driving on Route 17 the skies opened up on him so he called Gramps and Boner to report flash flooding. Of course they didn’t believe him seeing how they were only about 5 miles behind him and there was no signs of rain. That is they didn’t believe him until they looked over the top of a hill to their left and saw the jet black skies in the general direction they were supposed to camp. Pointing Boner said “well maybe it is just raining over there…” not really believing what he was saying. The two agreed but also insisted that it was just a passing storm anyway. Then as they turned the corner they found themselves in pouring rain punctuated by bolts of lightning and defining thunder. A few minutes later as they arrived at their destination Rocco and Cenzo were already at the trailhead looking like soaked rats. Boner and Gramps sat there for just a few seconds enjoying their final moments of dryness but they knew that it was time to hike. I use that term loosely though because of the brevity of the walk into the woods. The four brave campers went into the woods with full packs including the large tarp purchased a few hours earlier. After a very easy walk they ditched their packs under a large tree covered them with the tarp and looked for a good camp spot. They found a great spot on top of the hill overlooking the pond but there was a cliff on the other side and the men were 99% certain that the first Team Hike casualty would take place. It seems like the longer we do these hikes the more certain it is that one of us will keel over from something or other so a fall off a cliff seemed like a good bet. With the options for large tents being slim in this section of the woods though it was decided that this spot would be just fine, after all is one member of teem hike for a good camp spot too great a price to pay? The four retrieved their packs and hung the giant tarp. They sat around BSing wondering if the rain would ever stop. As hard as it was raining they were pretty sure it would be wet all night but just as suddenly as it started it stopped. Turns out that Boner didn’t lie to the wimp Gump when he was calling quivering about the thought of getting wet in the rain and Boner told him it was really nice up there. When the rain stopped we set up our tents in the woods. At first it was difficult to find a spot for the 5 man tent that Boner brought up but after we cleared up a big area pitching it was no problem. Cenzo and Rocco had no problem finding places for Cenzo’s smaller tent. Rocco wanted to sleep under the stars since he was packing light. After the tents were up they walked back to the cars and carried large coolers in along with other supplies. Gramps had a single air mattress and a pump and was sleeping in style. The coolers were packed with liquor, beer, ice and $300 worth of groceries from Wegmans. After we set up camp and gathered wood Hicks showed up. He also had tons of beer including his famous combo of Guinness with Oreos and awesome rib eye sandwiches. For some reason Gump told The Beef he would pick him up and stopped over there in the rain. Still unsure they called us and said they weren’t coming. We assured them that we were just north of the storm and they needed to drive up. We said we could see stars but there wasn’t any out. When they got there and it was dry they were happy they made it up. Gump set up his high rise style tent but the only place he could find that would fit the Monmouth thing was pretty close to where we were partying. This would prove to be a bad location on the next night. We started eating and drinking and before you knew it there were seven drunken ass campers who were very full and listening to Cenzo rant about politics. After a few more hours of grotesque eating and drinking Rocco decided to lead a group frogging. The Beef and Gramps saw no point in this, had another beer and went to bed. Rocco was walking in the pond then with one false step went in over his head.

The next morning Cenzo got his stuff together and headed out of town. The rest of the campers started filing in shortly after his departure. Sterni showed up for his first hike. He was very skeptical and did know if he would like camping. He brought in a cooler with 12 rolling rock bottles and some hotdogs and was wearing his bathing suit. It took him about an hour before he realized that he loved Team Hike and after about another hour proclaimed he’d never miss another one. Flush showed up and brought with him a case of Bud. Spugs, Chet, Shoes, Anthony and Paul all drove up and had with them their stuff that makes them unique. Of course Chet had his Coors Light, Paul had some Mexican fair, Anthony had some drum fish and funky beer and Spugs had rafts. The Beef started drinking at around 10 in the morning and didn’t stop until he fell down later that night. The afternoon was filled with swimming and fishing. Anthony finally beat shoes at the fishing game by catching one shorty. Shoes didn’t want to be outdone so he dove into the woods and came out with a snake in his mouth. Enter Stu… From the road you had to have been able to hear us, smell smoke from the fire and realize that it wasn’t a far hike. To get to the camp spot you simply had to walk down a hill, cross a bridge follow the trail around the big hill and look up hill to your left and see us. Somehow Stu got lost. He must have heard us from the bridge and decided to walk directly up the hill to us. This was very doable and while the hill was steep it wasn’t any more then 100 yards. He got to the spot soaking wet from sweat and dropped his pack like he wanted to die. He had worked himself up about being lost in the woods all alone and you would have thought he had just spent the afternoon out there. He immediately started complaining about his girlfriend and his job. It was classic Stu and great to see him on another hike. Keep in mind the last time he came he slept in the middle of a trail and someone literally stepped on his chest as he was sleeping. He just sat down and the entertainment started. Even the fact that he pulled peanuts, snowcaps and raisins out of his pack and mixed them together cracked us up. As we sat around and drank that night Stu entertained us with his stories. We were laughing so hard it was hard to breath. We again ate like idiots and Chet was annoying everyone sitting so close to them that he was practically on their lap. We started talking about Joe Cory’s swinging lifestyle and gave him a call. It was good to hear from Joe and he was very sad that he had fallen out of touch with us. He did entertain us with some good stories as well. After we hung up we started talking and half the crowd figured he must have done some gay stuff. Beef wasn’t sure so he called him right back. “Joe you been banging guys?” the Beef delicately asked. Joe replied that he wasn’t banging guys but he did suck dick. No one was really too surprised. It was a fun night that ran pretty late. Gump went down first and a pack of drunks went in to jump on him. Rocco being very aggressive as usual took a beating for the attack. First Gump almost bit his finger off then he shoved him to the ground. The rest of the crew ran off untouched and Gump was left to sleep in water that had been spilled on the bottom of the tent during the attack.

The next morning was very odd. It was the follies of bodily functions. Gump set up a nice stick toilet for him to shit on. He was taking a nice dump when the sticks broke and he fell right into his pooh. Then Chet was dumping and pissed all over his boots. Shoes packed up and took the shortcut to the cars that we all would eventually take. It was down the hill the same way that Stu came up. On the way down though Shoes had a panic dump and whipped his ass with his boxers. Anthony had gone out before and was at the car when Gump told him not to leave without taking Carlo. Carlo headed out before the main group of us did. As the group was walking out everyone was confused, there was a lone sandal, a pair of blue boxers and a large human dump with a footprint in it. What happened was Carlo in his hast to make it to Anthony didn’t see the dump – he must have still been blind from the night before – and he stepped directly in it. He slipped and when he did a sandal fell out of his pack. When he got to the bottom of the trail and into Anthony’s truck he got yelled at for the entire ride home for making him wait and because of Carlo Anthony was getting home late. This hike will be remembered as the hike of a thousand dumps…

Emails sent

Invite:

Sent 6/4/2004 via e-mail from Chet.

Attention Team Hike Crew

June 26th is the next Team Hike. Brother Gramps has put together a special Team Hike 101. That is, this hike is designed to meet the needs of the special need hikers among us. The special need to walk very little on very flat ground and then drink oneself blind.

This hike is designed to entice the less svelte hikers out there. So Parker strap on the boots give JK a call and let’s hit the trail. What are you laughing at Flush?

There will also be a special off off Broadway presentation of the musical TEAM HIKE... TEAM HIKE score by Gramps.

So let’s toss the wives down the stairs and head out into the woods.

Spugs you will expected to attend.

Who’s in?

Chet

Facts sheet: